Last night I had a dream that I met someone I haven’t seen since I was young. I said hi __. I don’t know you was the response and they looked away. I woke up distressed, knowing that person knew who I was but was so hurt that they didn’t even want to look at me.
If I could only go back and make amends with everyone I’ve ever hurt with an unkind word or deed. If I could somehow erase the pain I’ve caused people in my past. When I think of how incredibly self centered I was when I was young it is painful. For the most part we don’t get to do that in this lifetime. I’m so grateful I can come to The Lord and receive His forgiveness.
Yesterday I was talking to a good friend who is going through recovery at Teen Challenge. He said one thing I don’t get is the issue of worthiness. That’s right I said, you’re not worthy. He saw it, he saw that nothing in him could ever be worthy of God’s love, grace and forgiveness. He also said that every day he is reduced to tears by how grateful he is to God. The account of Jesus and the harlot comes to mind. He that is forgiven much, loves much. Last week I was watching a cheesy old movie with my youngest daughter. It was the old Jesus movie where Jesus is portrayed as an ethereal effeminate hippy. Even though the movie was so bad it still brought tears to my eyes. She looked at me and said are you ok dad? I can’t imagine how my friend must feel, he must be a mess.
I’ve been a Christian all my life and there’s only a few people a can think of that I have hurt, probably hundreds I don’t know about or can’t remember. My friend spent more than twenty years on the street as a cocaine addict. How many more heartaches does he have and how much more grace has been availed to him. Actually, we’re both in the same boat. In God’s eyes we are both sinners much in need of his forgiveness and grace.
Lord, thank you that you love me and forgive me in spite of myself. Thank you for giving me your peace. Help me to reflect your kindness to others and to make amends where I can.